ID RATHER CHOKE….
You had “noly” ONE job….
Jordy had no idea how long she lay there and considered calling out to Terric to come help her. She knew she was dangerously close to the edge. Much further and she wouldn’t be able to pull herself back. She allowed herself to feel the agony, and then she stiffened her spine, forcing herself to sit straight. She sat there, changing the inner monologue forcefully. For every horrible thought she had about herself, she made herself think of a good quality she had. Self-healing was something new for her.
Normally, Terric would help her through this. If she froze, unable to communicate at all, he would systematically tear down every wall she put up until she was reduced to a crying, hysterical mess. At that point, he would step in, scoop her up, and hold her. And he would tell her all the good things he saw in her, his baritone voice a soothing monotone. It would take a long time before she would even hear his words, so lost in the past and the storm tearing through her soul.
This time, though, she took herself to their playroom. And instead of having Terric use the various instruments on her body until she broke, she simply walked around and looked at everything. Her wide gaze took in each and every object he had ever touched against her body. The various floggers and the whips were arranged on the wall in order of severity of possible pain inflicted, and shackles hung from brackets screwed into the wall. Masks were displayed, but mainly for show. Terric disliked using them on her; he needed to be able to see her face to gauge where she was at all times, both physically and mentally.
This level of play was not something Terric would have done, normally. He did it for her, and that was it. She knew that, and it bothered her to think that he would prefer not to engage in this lifestyle. He was dominant by nature, and his preferences did not lean toward the vanilla in any way. But she could see that, although he excelled at taking command of her body, he did not need it in the way she did. He did not like causing her actual pain. Her vampire senses were as acute as his demon ones, and she could feel him fighting with himself, struggling with the idea of marking her skin.
Jordyn didn’t want to need this. She wondered if it were something she would have sought had her life taken a different course. She approached the wall where the harnesses and rope hung, grabbed a length of rope and gracefully lowered herself to sit on the floor where she sat for a long time, considering her life. Her hands played with the rope, absentmindedly tying it into knots, untying it, and starting over. Eventually, when her eyes started to drift closed, she returned the rope to the wall and headed back to bed.
A couple hours later, Terric awoke on his back with Jordyn resting her cheek on the dip of his shoulder, her golden hair spread over his arm. He couldn’t see her face, but her breathing told him she was awake and not doing well. He wordlessly reached down and slid his palm over her head, smoothing the hair off her face. At his touch, she took a shuddering breath, and he felt his skin dampen from the hot tears that streamed out of her eyes. He didn’t say anything for a while, just kept stroking her, waiting until she was ready to talk.
Finally, she began, her voice soft but picking up strength. “I’m sorry. For dragging you into this life with me. I know you aren’t happy either, even though you pretend everything is fine, that all is as it should be. I hate what I’ve become. And I hate that neither of us is living the life we should be living. You need to be honest about who and what you are. And I need to be honest, too, and strong enough to admit that I am lost. You’re my best friend, and I love you. I’m just… so afraid. Afraid to feel and afraid not to, you know?”
Terric burrowed his hand into her hair, fingers resting against the nape of her neck, and eased her head back until she was looking into his eyes.
“You okay? Do you need me to take you to the playroom, Jordyn?”
Her eyes were strong, focused on his, as she answered softly, “No, Terric. Truly, I’m fine. I’m pretty proud of myself, actually. I did this alone, went in there and just sat, thought, and cried. So no. I want to see how far I can go on my own right now. I’m tired and going to sleep for a little while… Tomorrow I will finish the unpacking and work more on setting the place up. It’s good, really. Finally, some progress.”
Terric eased his hand out from her hair, being careful not to pull on it as it tangled around his fingers. A surge of pride went through him, and he smiled down at her, gently kissing her lips. “Good girl, you let me know, though, okay? If that changes. And as far as the rest of it, stop. Stop worrying about me and whether or not I’m happy. Do I strike you as the type to do anything I don’t want to do? I love you. That’s enough. The rest doesn’t matter. Who lives the life they are supposed to be living, anyways? Does anyone even know what that is? Besides, look at me! I’m an anomaly. A fucking bisexual demon shifter. Not really all of any one thing. What kind of life could I lead? I don’t really fit in most categories, you know.” He paused, feeling the truth in that sentence. “No. I’m where I should be. You’re right, we should sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”
By: DS Kenn